Monday Mumbling ... What I've learned about myself reading m/m

Self analysis and therapy through reading.

Rather than focus on a genre or theme I like in m/m, this week got me thinking about things I've learned about myself by reading different types of books.

A) While in theory a May/December, March/November?, relationship doesn't bother me, hey more power to ya old dude, I've realized that at some point it squicks me out. When a 23 year old and a 50 year old hook up, permanently, I start thinking ... When boy A is my age *coughmid40scough*, his spouse will be ...... 75!!!!! Arrgghhhh *runs screaming visualizing being in a relationship with someone my Dad's age* I'm sure people can give me examples of cases where they know real-life people who have BTDT and were deliriously happy, but it's hard to enjoy a story when I keep thinking "Oh my god, oh my god, my Dad's age, oh my god". It would appear I'm not as tolerant as I thought I was on the age thing. 10-15 years I don't even blink, once it hits 20 I start to get jittery. (I should clarify, not that I would ever tell someone it's wrong, but it makes me doubt the long-term viability of the relationship.)

Okay okay, so the old guy is half-horse,
I couldn't find a good pic I liked.

B)  On a similar theme, but not so much age related is the "My son/daughter's friend" theme. Ugh. That is so Letters to Penthouse. Ick. Dating someone the same age as your kid? Fine. A friend of your kid's, their age? Noooooo.

Aren't they just cute as a button ...
and off limits if one is your kid!

C) My need to create a conflict free zone in my life seems to spill over into fiction. I just read something where the one guy seemed to take great delight in poking his potential life-partner with a sharp stick. (not literally because that would be weird) But the Latino guy would get all pissed off and throw a hissy fit and be upset and the other guy found it just amusing as hell and regularly said/did stuff (or didn't say stuff) just to get a reaction. It reallllllly made me uncomfortable. It made me not like the stick poker. Why would you WANT to make someone you supposedly care about or love angry? I spent many years of my life running around trying to control the outside world so I wouldn't have to deal with an angry spouse. It just triggered all sorts of "stuff" inside that made me feel kind of ookey, even though I enjoyed the book on the whole. Obviously I still have issues.

D) For years I have said, "I don't like scary books, I don't like horror, etc." When in reality I maybe do, a little bit. I like Dallas Coleman's books, because they are freaky and creepy but often not graphic. I know many people consider Jordan Castillo Prices' Wild Bill and Michael books to be horrorish (as opposed to whorish), but when some reviews would go "ooooh, it's really gross and freaky" I was kind of "eh". It was good, but I wasn't freaked out. Though as a rule I'd say I'm anti-slasher, anti-pain for fun (aka Saw movies). It needs a purpose I guess. Or maybe it was all those years of reading detective stories about serial killers that delighted in describing their crimes. I never considered that horror and yet I would never read a Stephen King because it's too scary. :-)

He looks kind of scary creepy,
although I've read an interview with him,
and he's not, seems rather pleasant on the whole.

So what has reading (m/m, m/f, any genre really) taught you about yourself, your beliefs, inner secrets you don't reveal to the world. We'll keep it just between us. No one will ever know.